


Anniversary

by emeraldsapphic



Series: Esme's Gandrew Week [2]
Category: Gandrew - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Anniversary, Character Death, Gandrew Week (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Prepare the Tissues, Tragedy, my hand slipped, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsapphic/pseuds/emeraldsapphic
Summary: It's a beautiful day outside, it's Andrew and Garrett's first anniversary.And Andrew is happy, why wouldn't he be?Gandrew Week Day Two: Anniversary
Relationships: Andrew Siwicki/Garrett Watts
Series: Esme's Gandrew Week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729960
Comments: 17
Kudos: 17
Collections: Gandrew Week 2020





	Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> go put on a sad song reading this, i dare you 
> 
> :)

Andrew wakes up to birds chirping. It's a beautiful day outside.  
He looks at the sky, it's already bright. It's of the color of Garrett's eyes. At the thought, Andrew lets a smile reach his chapped lips.  
He gets up and stares at his garden through the window, smiling at the gnomes he sees along with Rose, the bug nanny.

He remembers when Garrett insisted on adding them to his collections of trinkets.  
He also remembers how Garrett reacted when he called them that for the first time. He amused offended look on his face. His tongue between his lips.

He sees a text on his phone.  
_Oh._

Shane is coming over, and Andrew doesn't want him to. It's his and Garrett's special day, after all.

He also sees a text from Morgan, wishing him a good day.  
Of course, it was going to be a good day, Andrew thought.  
Why wouldn't it?

Shane comes over half an hour later, he smiles at Andrew, and he hugs him, holding him tight.  
Andrew's heart warms up, maybe he is glad Shane is here.

"Are you okay, Andrew?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

"Andrew."

"Shane, I am fine. He told me it is going to be fine, and I believe him."

"Andrew."

"Shane."

Andrew sees something he can't place in his friend's eyes. He wants to reassure him he's okay. How can he convince him? Can he even convince Shane, if he hasn't convinced himself, yet?

xxx

It's a beautiful day outside, even though it's raining.  
Garrett doesn't mind, he likes rain, but Andrew looks a bit gloomy, and he doesn't like it.

"Cheer up, Andrew! You're not going to let some rain bring you down, right?" 

Garrett's smile is contagious, even though Andrew really doesn't want to smile he does, anyway. 

"I love you, you know that?"

Andrew's heart jumps. he feels like crying. Those words are everything he wants to hear, forever.

Then why do they hurt so much?

xxx

Andrew looks at Garrett, he notices his eyes are even more tired than usual.  
He's driving even though Andrew insisted on doing it for once, but then he suddenly stops.  
He pulls up and turns to Andrew with glossy eyes.

"Marry me."

Andrew's eyes start to water as well, he smiles.

"When?"

xxx

Andrew is shaking, he looks at Garrett, and he sees perfection.  
His heart aches. He is so beautiful. Tuxedos really _suit_ him.

"Andrew Siwicki, there's so much I want to tell you, but we don't have much time, unfortunately. I want to make you the happiest, I don't care how much this lasts, I want to make this worth every second of your precious life. It's me and you against the world, as it has always been, love," Garrett manages not to cry until the end, "I will make it feel like forever to you, Andrew."

Andrew can't keep his cool quite as good as Garrett as he says, "Garrett Watts, life is unfair and there's no one that knows this better than you, than us. But you make my life worth living anyway. You make it all better, every time, and I don't know how you do it. I can't understand why I was lucky enough to meet you. And despite everything that has happened, and that will happen, I would do it all again. I would give you my heart anyway. Because it is yours, and it will always be, baby." He is sobbing right by the end of it, looking at Garrett's own smile and tears, Andrew realizes how much he loves his _husband_.

Andrew never plans to let Garrett go. Even when he will have to.

xxx

It's the middle of the night, Andrew wakes up only to find the bed empty. He finds Garrett sitting by the window, a dreary cast dooming over his features.

"Garrett?"

His husband attempts a smile, looking at him.

"Andrew?"

"Yes, love?"

"Can you promise something?"

"What is it?"

"When I'm dying, please, leave."

"What?"

"When you'll start to hear my heart stopping, when you'll see the doctors rushing in, please leave."

"Garrett, I-" Andrew almost choked on his words.

"You can come back later when I'm gone. I am sure I'll be peaceful."

"Please, don't-" Andrew sobs. 

Garrett takes his hand and brings him closer to himself. He leaves a small kiss on Andrew's temple.

"Andrew, promise me. I don't want your last memory of me to be panic and pain."

Andrew breaths in deeply, as he wipes away his tears. "Fine, baby. I promise," he says with a shaky voice. "Now, come back to bed."

xxx

"He told me to be happy, always, Shane."

Andrew is hugging his knees. He doesn't know why he is sitting on the floor. Or how he ended up there.  
He feels Shane's hand on his shoulder, then he sees him sit on the floor next to him.

"And are you?"

Andrew wants to laugh at him, how could he possibly be happy? Everything was still too fresh, too sore, it still hurt to say his name, it still hurt to think of his eyes, to hear his voice in his memories, to feel the touch of his soft hands on his skin.

Andrew's eyes start to water for the first time in weeks.  
He has tried to, he wants to honor Garrett's memory, and his last wish was for Andrew to be happy.

xxx

"Love?"

"Mhh."

"I have been losing my mind over something, can I talk to you about it?"

"Of course, baby, whatever you want."

"You know what's the worst part about this?"

Andrew gulps, does he want to know?

"Knowing how much it will hurt you."

Andrew bites his lip trying not to cry, he has promised Garrett he will be strong.

"I am so sorry, I wish I could make it easier for you when I'm gone."

"Don't say that! You're acting like this is your fault. I will be devastated, yes, I can't promise you I won't be. But you'll be there with me, right? In my heart. Forever."

"Forever, Andrew. Also, don't expect me to turn down your offer, I will haunt you. Just wait."

"I can't say I look forward to that."

Garrett laughs and Andrew's heart melts. He's jealous, he's jealous Garrett can laugh about this. He's also jealous he's not the one who's going to die. And Andrew hates himself for it.

"Andrew, promise me one last thing."

"Yes."

"You'll be happy one day. You'll look back at this, at me, at us, and you will smile. That will be the only regret I ever have, making you go through this alone." Garrett's eyes are wet, his voice his shaking slightly.

"Garrett, it will be so fucking hard. But I will, I swear I will. I will remember you and smile and tell everyone embarrassing stories about you," he says, wiping away his tears. "Don't think I'll ever be alone, you're not leaving me alone. Our friends, your family, they will all be there. We will go through this together, and you will too. With us." Andrew doesn't know if he's saying it because he means it or because he wants to take Garrett's mind off of it.

One thing he is sure of, he hopes he is right.

xxx

"You know he forgave you, right?"

Shane looks up to meet Andrew's eyes.

"He told me a few weeks before, I thought you two talked, but now I am not so sure anymore."

"What?" Shane breathes out, hopeful.

Andrew gives him a small smile.  
"He forgave you, Shane. He just didn't want you to see him like that. He wanted you to remember him as the loving goof he was."

"Really? I didn't-" Shane chokes up, Andrew sees the pain behind his friend's eyes. He still thinks of him as such. Despite everything.

Andrew isn't lying to Shane, Garrett told him, he really did, he just wishes his husband had directly spoken to him.  
He can only imagine the guilt Shane must have felt, thinking his former best friend was still mad at him.  
He hopes he has offered healing words to him, and he thinks he has when he sees Shane's eyes water and his lip tremble.

"Come here."

Still on the floor, Andrew grips at Shane's waist, letting him lean on him. Shane's side is now resting on his leg, his head buried in Andrew's knees. Andrew gently brushes his hair and leans back and forth, trying to comfort his friend, who is sobbing.

He tries his best to hold his own tears, he bites his bottom lip, hard.  
Tears still fall on his cheek. He curses himself. He promised Garrett.

Suddenly, his heart changes. Garrett wouldn't get mad. He wouldn't be disappointed.

Andrew promised he will be happy one day, for his husband, for the love of his life.  
But right now, he is not, he won't fake it. He is destroyed, his heart can't take any hurt anymore.  
He will be happy, and he is sure, one day he'll think about Garrett and not want to cry, or scream, or join him.

One day, but today Andrew is going to cry, to weep, because he deserves grief.

Andrew can't believe it's his and Garrett’s first anniversary, and his husband is not there. It's unfair. He can't do this alone.  
He wants his love hugging him, keeping him close.

He wants a gift, and a 'happy anniversary' card, which he was sure Garrett would have spent hours crafting.

He wants kisses on the temple, on the top of his head, on his neck.  
He misses Garrett's lips and hands and smile and laugh. His life has been missing something for months, and that something will never come back. A piece of his heart died with Garrett.  
Andrew misses his husband, the fucking love of his life.

Andrew finally starts to sob, he can't do this, the pain is too intense.  
He never knew what wanting to die meant, until the world came crashing on him, the day Garrett left him.  
He feels his body shaking, he lowers his head. He rests his forehead on Shane's side, he tights his grip around his friend.

They're curled up together, and Andrew feels a wave of gratefulness in between the sorrow. He is grateful his friend is there to cry with him, and he is grateful he gets to hold him and not vice-versa. He doesn't want to be held by anyone right now, he can't bear to have anyone else touch him like that, it would feel too foreign, invasive. It would feel like someone was trying to take Garrett's place. And Andrew's blood boils at the sole thought.

Instead, Shane is there with him, crying his heart out. Because he knows that if there's someone who's suffering as much as he is, outside of Garrett's family, it's Shane.

"Shane, this is so fucking hard," he manages to say between sobs. "Why couldn't it be me?"

His friend gets up, he puts one arm behind Andrew's neck, his hand pushing his shoulder, now the younger redhead is resting his head on Shane's shoulder.

Andrew sees Shane wiping away his own tears, "I know it is, Andrew. But you promised him, right? You can do this. He'll be so proud of you. You just need to hang in there."

Andrew is so touched by Shane's words they cause a few louder sobs. Then, suddenly, his pain leaves him slightly dizzy and with a terrible headache.  
His tears stop for a moment, numbness taking over in an almost relieving way.

He has to hang in there, right? He promised after all. He promised the love of his life, his husband, his soulmate, his better half.

He promised Garrett he'd try to be happy. Even without him. For him.  
And Andrew would be damned before he ever let Garrett down.

He is going to keep living. And that, Andrew decides, is going to be his anniversary gift.

**Author's Note:**

> listen, if you hate me, same. i hate myself too.  
> i have cried 5 times writing this. if you follow me on tumblr you might know the other day i had a full ass moment and mental breakdown thinking about garrett dying, well it was because of this :)
> 
> anyway follow me on tumblr @emeraldwatts and follow @gandrewweek as well!


End file.
